If anyone else were to kiss me, all they would taste is your name.

Tomorrow is my birthday and that makes me think what I've achieved and how much I've changed in a year. Since my last birthday I've..

• been to New York twice
• managed to get good grades at Fashion Institute of Technology this summer
• failed my english test ..well not exactly but the point is that I have to take it again
• made my blogspot
• bought my own Jeffrey Campbells (believe it or not this is an achievement for me)
• went to a tattoo convention in Athens
• decided that I want to be a tattoo artist after studying fashion design
• painted my hair an unnatural color
• spent more time with my best friends
• fell in love

   While I'm reading this list again to correct any grammar mistakes I'm actually bothered of how many things have happened and it literally doesn't feel like a year has past at all...more like a month. Time passes so fast. And I can't help but think about the next year. Today will pass and tomorrow will pass and one day I'll be at the airport leaving for New York ...leaving the people I love behind me. I feel sad sometimes for leaving. But I have to say that, we don't live for other people. We live for ourselves I don't want to admit that but it's true. We are on our own and we die alone and this is life. We live with our thoughts and with the bruises other people leave in our bodies. ''our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we touch'' (I've said that before but it's a beautiful thing to say).

   I think that my fear for life is the thing that's keeping me from doing the things I have to do in order to go to New York. I call it a comfort zone but in the end it's just fear.  I don't feel like doing my portfolio or doing any other things I have to do. What will happen in a year? I don't know... the only thing I know is that I'll have to live without the people I love. I know that I'll find other people to love there but I don't think I want to. I don't feel the need to love someone else. I'm satisfied with the people I have by my side now. I never asked  the world to be so big and New York city to be such a beautiful city and so far away from home. I know I sound like a little child now but this is how I feel. Why kids are aloud to scream their hearts out anyway..?.. I've missed screaming so much I can't breathe. It's not something acceptable for a ''young lady'' but I've missed the feeling of letting go what's on my mind.

   Silence bothers me.

I feel like I will go to New York and I will look at my new friends differently...I will never feel as comfortable as I feel with my friends now because we grew up together and it will be just weird. I will live for the days when I'll come home for holidays and see my real friends and family. 

  Now..my relationship will be the hardest part of letting go. I mean, if I could do something for that I would probably take my boyfriend with me. But this is a selfish thing to do because we don't want the same things from life. And I just don't think that I'll be able to have another relationship for a long time. I don't trust people easily and I don't love people easily. I'm not an easy person to be with. And I probable won't even try to make it easy for the other person. And if anyone else were about to kiss me, all they would taste is your name. And I don't get why you are so good with me, I don't want to let go of that feeling. The feeling of loving you is probably one of the best things that have happened in my life. Even when we have to break up, I won't stop loving you. Even when it hurts because you're no longer mine I won't stop loving you.

here's some music

xxFedra