I wake up every morning at 7:00 and I watch the sky changing colors,
and I wonder why people prefer watching the stars
instead of waching the morning dawn.
The infinity that’s made of them is scary as hell,
and I never really got why they look so much prettier than me..
we are supposed to be made of the same dust.
The morning dawn on the other hand is always so relaxing.
It makes me feel safe.
Because eventually I know that the sun is going to come out,
and every color will turn into a morning blue sky.
And the sun will be there to shine on me,
and my eyes will look greener,
and my skin and blonde hair will look like gold.
Oh love, if you were here you would be able to see me change.
I can feel it and I knew that it would happen.
I know it when I walk on the streets,
I know it when I buy my groceries.
I'm changing into a "woman"
and that word feels so weird.
It might be the fact that my face isn't round anymore
and I can see more bones in my face than I can see meat.
Oh, and my hair has grown so much,
that I usually just let them down
so they can gently hug my collarbones.
And my skin looks clean,
and I never have to worry about looking myself in the mirror.
Because even looking at my naked body makes me feel okay.
With all it's stretch and birth marks.
And that makes me wonder why I hated my own skin all these years.
I guess when you want to be your own savior
you have to start loving yourself in order to survive.
And as a result this is a part of me growing up
and accepting who I am.
I just have to forget about the stars.
The dark sky makes me sad.
And it's this goddamn clock that's ticking
and reminds me of time, and miles, and the people I miss.
The only thing I want is to walk in a garden full of white chrysanthemums
take my shoes off and start running..
Not to escape from something.
I just want to run and scream in total freedom.
Oh darling, I don’t believe in ghosts.
But wouldn’t it be wonderful if we got
one life to do the things we love,
and another life to love each other?
I don't ask to live for ever,
I just want to love you more.
Now that I'm young
and I can run and scream with you in that garden.
Now that I can still talk to you about the future.
People say that successful women don't love men.
But how can a person be successful in life when not being loved?
And how did I just end up writing about you again?
I thought I was writing about me this time.
I told you.
I told you that the stars make me miss you more.
Now I have to wait till it's morning again.
But even in the morning, when I see the sky
there are times when the only thing I want to do
is kiss your eyelids
the same way the sun does every morning
passing through your window.
And maybe I am just mad.
But at least I love my sadness the same way I love my happiness.
When you are a person who accepts everything,
pain, happiness, distance, changes,
it's easy to learn how to crawl through life.
My only problem is that the years I get to live, are not enough.
hope you like my little poem! xx Faidra