Hello everyone! Long time no see (or wrote)!
I'm back in Greece. The place I like to call home even thought it has nothing to do with the place but the people who live here? This place! So yes, I'm back home. As you probably already know or guessed.
Right now I'm located in my bed, lying. It's 11:46am, I woke up half an hour ago, spoke with my love on the phone (for those who don't know, he is in the Greek Army for 9 months so I barely see him! At least we are on the same island, oh well), went downstairs (meaning, to our kitchen) made some jasmine tea, toasted a croissant, and came back to my room thinking that I want to do something productive today.
As I sat in my bed in my pajamas, with that feeling of freedom when you're not wearing a bra, while I drank that jasmine tea, I said to myself: Oh, I miss New York. And I smiled.
Next move: I spat some tea and thought to myself (again): How can you miss a place you where two weeks ago and while you where there, the only thing you could think of was leaving it?!
Let me explain: The first month I was in NY I was drinking a loooot of jasmine tea. The first time I went for grocery shopping on my own I bought some pasta, heavy cream, cheese, croissants, some chicken, onions, fresh raspberries, fresh butter, oil, salt, sugar, and Jasmine tea. So, you know, it's a flavor that brings back memories and makes you remember how you felt at this point of time in your life.
Don't get me wrong. I never said that I don't love New York. I honestly love that place, the way someone can love a person. And I'm going back, and I'll fight and work hard for staying there my whole life. But right now, I thought that I was going to be really happy for coming back home and seeing my love, and friends and family. And I am! I can't get enough of them! But my hometown is a really small place compared to New York, and I don't have that feeling of wholeness and freedom I feel while walking in the streets of Manhattan. I guess that I'm just too big to fit in this town now. All I can feel again is some kind of emptiness. I can't be in two different places at the same time. The excitement of coming back home passed in the first 3 days, and now I just want to go back to my other "home".
I remember how unbearable was what I felt when I left Greece. It was the moment I realized how lonely I was gonna be. I had to spend time with myself and figure things out on my own. I had to say goodbye to the people who I knew if something happened I could just call and they would be there. The moment he let my hand go and I had to walk away from him and my mother I cried so much that the Security lady who had to check my bag and stuff felt the need to tell me "It's gonna be ok, you will come back." I mean, imagine!
But, after that, I realized that at the end of the day, the worst thing can happen, and the next morning the sun will come up, and you will eat your breakfast, and you will drink your tea.
I just want to settle down, I want to know where I'm going to be next year and what I will be doing. But I read somewhere that "There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming." It describes everything perfectly.
Can I take the people I love and care about with me though? Well, that's a question that I need some more time to answer. I know that you need to make sacrifices for your dreams. Leave people behind, leave feelings behind. But what if your dreams aren't your dreams without the people you love?
I just want to move into a studio apartment in Astoria with wooden floors and big windows. Get into the Fashion Institute of Technology. Not have a TV and listen to old vinyl records that I find in thrift shops all day. Design my own clothes and sell them on the internet. Drink Coffee in Bryant Park with my best friends and talk about our day. Work at a fashion house. Have my blog getting bigger and bigger. Get healthy. Go to a bar downtown.Wear my boyfriend's shirt at home, but extravagant clothes when I go out. Have a bathtub that I can relax on Saturday nights. I want to not have a moment to breathe from all the amazing and sometimes boring things I have to do in my day. And most importantly, I want to be the type of person, people turn around on the streets and go "she's someone".
I know that you think that it's a "dream big or go home" kind of thing, but it's not. It's a "work hard or go home" kind of thing actually.
Enough with the drama, even thought I'm not trying to be dramatic. I don't want you to think that I'm sad because I'm at home. I'm happy. I get to spend time with the people I love and care about. Everything is ok.
I just want to finish this post with a Carrie Bradshaw quote:
I'm back in Greece. The place I like to call home even thought it has nothing to do with the place but the people who live here? This place! So yes, I'm back home. As you probably already know or guessed.
Right now I'm located in my bed, lying. It's 11:46am, I woke up half an hour ago, spoke with my love on the phone (for those who don't know, he is in the Greek Army for 9 months so I barely see him! At least we are on the same island, oh well), went downstairs (meaning, to our kitchen) made some jasmine tea, toasted a croissant, and came back to my room thinking that I want to do something productive today.
As I sat in my bed in my pajamas, with that feeling of freedom when you're not wearing a bra, while I drank that jasmine tea, I said to myself: Oh, I miss New York. And I smiled.
Next move: I spat some tea and thought to myself (again): How can you miss a place you where two weeks ago and while you where there, the only thing you could think of was leaving it?!
Let me explain: The first month I was in NY I was drinking a loooot of jasmine tea. The first time I went for grocery shopping on my own I bought some pasta, heavy cream, cheese, croissants, some chicken, onions, fresh raspberries, fresh butter, oil, salt, sugar, and Jasmine tea. So, you know, it's a flavor that brings back memories and makes you remember how you felt at this point of time in your life.
Don't get me wrong. I never said that I don't love New York. I honestly love that place, the way someone can love a person. And I'm going back, and I'll fight and work hard for staying there my whole life. But right now, I thought that I was going to be really happy for coming back home and seeing my love, and friends and family. And I am! I can't get enough of them! But my hometown is a really small place compared to New York, and I don't have that feeling of wholeness and freedom I feel while walking in the streets of Manhattan. I guess that I'm just too big to fit in this town now. All I can feel again is some kind of emptiness. I can't be in two different places at the same time. The excitement of coming back home passed in the first 3 days, and now I just want to go back to my other "home".
I remember how unbearable was what I felt when I left Greece. It was the moment I realized how lonely I was gonna be. I had to spend time with myself and figure things out on my own. I had to say goodbye to the people who I knew if something happened I could just call and they would be there. The moment he let my hand go and I had to walk away from him and my mother I cried so much that the Security lady who had to check my bag and stuff felt the need to tell me "It's gonna be ok, you will come back." I mean, imagine!
But, after that, I realized that at the end of the day, the worst thing can happen, and the next morning the sun will come up, and you will eat your breakfast, and you will drink your tea.
I just want to settle down, I want to know where I'm going to be next year and what I will be doing. But I read somewhere that "There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming." It describes everything perfectly.
Can I take the people I love and care about with me though? Well, that's a question that I need some more time to answer. I know that you need to make sacrifices for your dreams. Leave people behind, leave feelings behind. But what if your dreams aren't your dreams without the people you love?
I just want to move into a studio apartment in Astoria with wooden floors and big windows. Get into the Fashion Institute of Technology. Not have a TV and listen to old vinyl records that I find in thrift shops all day. Design my own clothes and sell them on the internet. Drink Coffee in Bryant Park with my best friends and talk about our day. Work at a fashion house. Have my blog getting bigger and bigger. Get healthy. Go to a bar downtown.Wear my boyfriend's shirt at home, but extravagant clothes when I go out. Have a bathtub that I can relax on Saturday nights. I want to not have a moment to breathe from all the amazing and sometimes boring things I have to do in my day. And most importantly, I want to be the type of person, people turn around on the streets and go "she's someone".
I know that you think that it's a "dream big or go home" kind of thing, but it's not. It's a "work hard or go home" kind of thing actually.
Enough with the drama, even thought I'm not trying to be dramatic. I don't want you to think that I'm sad because I'm at home. I'm happy. I get to spend time with the people I love and care about. Everything is ok.
I just want to finish this post with a Carrie Bradshaw quote:
Oh, and before I forget it, I wish to you a Happy New Year! And please don't write lists down with new years resolutions! You know they're never going to happen. Just think about what you want and start doing it from today!
I hope you eat lots of food and spend time with the people you love, because let's be honest, we all know that that's the important thing on the Holidays!
Take care of yourselves! xx Faidra