I keep waiting for the day that the world turns upside down so I can swim with the stars.

  But baby, if you look at the sky the same way as I do.. you'll see all the pretty things the clouds are drawing to you every day, and you will hear all the pretty words the birds are whispering to your thoughts... You won't just look at the emptiness ... you will find joy on trying to figure out the shapes of every single cloud and you will find peace on the brightness of the sun and basically get lost.

   Trying to understand me as a person is a challenge. When someone is asking me to talk about myself I just find myself starting with the same sentence ''My name is Fedra, I'm 17 years old and I want to live in New York City and be a fashion designer and a tattoo artist'' . I just think that people don't really care about my character. They don't have time for ''about me's ''. All they care about is the surface. What I really want to say when they ask me about me is : ''My name is Fedra, and my name means ''bright'' . Greek mythology says that Fedra was the daughter of King Minos and married to the hero Theseus'' .
   Let me tell you darling, nobody cares about your character and nobody cares about your name's meaning. They just need two things, a name and an indication you're someone special. And BAaMMm they assume they know you.
   Adults are a spew of questions ''what school are you going to? What do you plan on becoming? Got a boyfriend? '' and that's it.
  Teachers want interests, hobbies ''I know it's difficult for you, you just told me you have nervous breakdowns..but I don't really care because these mental bullshits you're going through don't mean a thing to me. What do you want to do in your life? focus on that, kiddo, and everything is gonna be ok'' . Bullshit.
  Oh, and people my age are the worst. '' I'm planning to study and after that find a job with a lot of money and yeah that's pretty great!'' . YES. Aren't we all going to study something? or most of us? Saying what you want to be in your life isn't a fact about you. I'm asking you about you not about your academic achievements.

  I'm pulled apart, my interests are traveling highway to my goals at a stop sign at traffic hour...
My medical history on a billboard for the world to see...
Where the fuck is the chance to say :
 
   ''When I'm swimming alone, sometimes I just stay in the water holding my breath and enjoy the silence the ocean offers me. It's a gift. Like living in heaven for a while. Maybe dying isn't so wrong after all.''

or..

    ''When I'm alone at home, I go to my mothers library. It's a small room with a lot of shelves full of books she has read and some encyclopedias and she has some (almost hidden) old poetry books. Her father gave them to her. And sometimes I just go there to get lost. The words.. the smell of the old books.. I just lay on the floor and read them.''  

or..

    ''I keep waiting for the day that the world turns upside down so I can swim with the stars.''

No wonder why none of us know who we are anymore.