Hey everyone! So my boyfriend requested a serious post this time and I’m in the mood to write something so why not? Hope you like it love :)
I think that, when you read a book, and by that I mean a really good book, a book that can be the guide to the path into your soul or whatever; Well that book can make you realize so many things. Things you already know but you don’t. You know, the thing when you read something and you realize that, that is exactly how you feel and you where trying for so long to put into words and there it is. Someone else though it and at first you get excited to see that you’re not the only one who thinks/feels that way and later you get mad because that someone else thought the right words to describe it before you could. Well that’s how I feel right now. More excited than mad to be honest.
First of all I’d like to talk about life. There is this moment on the book where Hazel (a girl who has a lung tumor-cancer- ) is in a Support Group for teenage cancer patients her mother sent her and she meets this guy for the first time, Augustus Waters, who’s pretty hot btw and there’s this moment where Patrick the Support Group counselor is trying to make a conversation with everyone:
“ Augustus perhaps you want to share your fears with the group.”
“My fears?”
“Yes.”
“I fear oblivion,” he said without a moment’s pause “I fear it like the proverbial blind man who’s afraid of the dark.”
[…]“Would, uh, would anyone like to speak to that?”
[…],I decided to speak. I half raised my hand […] I looked over at Augustus Waters, who looked back at me. You could almost see through his eyes they were so blue. “There will come a time”, I said, “when all of us are dead. All of us. There will come a time when there are no human beings remaining to remember that anyone ever existed or that our species ever did anything. There will be no one to remember Aristotle or Cleopatra, let alone you. Everything that we did and built and wrote and thought and discovered will be forgotten and all of this” -I gestured encompassingly- “will have been for naught. Maybe that time is coming soon and maybe it is millions of years away, but even if we survive the collapse of our own sun, we will not survive forever. There was time before organisms, and there will be time after. And if the inevitability of human oblivion worries you, I encourage you to ignore it. God knows, that’s what everyone else does.”
I don’t want to make any comments about Hazel. She is a fictional character after all. But how Green describes “time”, well that’s what I want to talk about. I want to write what this book makes me think. There wasn’t a moment before the Big Bang. There wasn’t a time before literally. Time started “ticking’’ when the sun started shining and that’s the moment of the Big Bang. I don’t know a lot about science but I can tell you what I believe for sure:
All of us are created by some kind of dust the universe provided. I don’t know if your God used this dust with some water and put you in the planet earth with a leaf on your private parts and told you not to eat the apple. One way or another the universe provided the dust. Most of the people in this planet came by accident. Maybe for some people sex is too good and condoms too expensive but to tell the truth most of us are an accident. Pure love hardly exists and that’s something you don’t want to hear. (or read)
So back to the subject. When we, I mean people, are born, we come to this world that turns out that more or less we all have a love-hate relationship with. And our bodies don’t always work right and our inner health doesn’t always work right and sometimes those two things can affect one the other and that’s how fucked up we are. We are not immortal and we are afraid of death and pain. We recognize joy only after we’ve felt sadness. But we have a soul. I don’t know why, I don’t know how, but the aura we have is what makes us special. When we die eventually, we go back. Before the Big Bang. We become the nothing we where. We become one with the whole. Is there a life after death? Well, only if you’re too scared to face the truth. But isn’t this thought beautiful? You go back to where you belonged. And my opinion is that there is only one thing that you leave to the world. A gift. And that’s your aura. How you made people feel. What was the feeling you left behind you when you where living the room. There will come a day when the memories will fade and the people you have left behind you will die too. That’s your second death. And by writing this now I want to say that things are getting personal here I’m just warning you.
My mother used to have cancer. It’s not easy to talk about it but that book really inspires me to write with confidence about that time of my life. Sometimes I have this fear that it might come back. The cancer. Who would I be without her? I don’t know. People are so fragile it’s ridiculous. And there are people out there who fight everyday for their own lives. And there are people out there who are only interested in money and comfort. It’s fucked up, you know?
I remember how I would sleep in the side of the bed, opposite the hospital she was. We weren’t even at the same island. Yet I remember how I felt the comfort turning on this side of the bed. Like I could feel her being somewhere out there. So that’s why I’m talking about the human soul. I mean, fuck everyone who’s interested in something else other than trying to make the world a better place. Feeling comfort in someone else’s hug is such a precious feeling. I have felt how it is missing people. It’s like missing a part of you. It’s like trying to live without having the right amount of oxygen you need. And it’s sad. I knew how I felt. She doesn’t. He doesn't. And that’s where oblivion comes.
We, people live with the fear of being forgotten. So we are trying to make great things so people will know about us. As a part of the universe, the fact that you are a person with a mind and a body is a big deal and at the same time not really. I mean that we are nothing in comparison with the universe and we are something precious at the same time. Yet it’s not enough for us. We are trying to go big so we can get the admiration from the world but the only thing we really need is someone to love us. “Love is a promise.” Green says. And I think it is. It’s the promise that you will be loved as long as you breath and as long as you don’t. I will love the people I love today until the day I die. I know that I'll love and other people in my life. In case I die tomorrow please know that my aura will kiss your cheeks goodnight and I’ll be the first breath of air when you wake up in the morning. Not that I’m someone important for the world. But I know that some people love me. And that’s enough for me.
Sometimes I feel really bad when it comes to my thoughts for the future. Fashion? Really? Do I really wanna get involved in this industry? Bigger things are happening and I’m gonna study fashion design? Well, I think that every person has about 1hundred years to live and in that time everyone has the right to make the best of it. So I’ve said it before. I don’t wanna work in fashion only. I want to volunteer to a hospital or help people who need someone. Spread the love you know?
Anyway this post is turning out huge! My point is that life is so small yet the biggest thing we are given! And as long as we want to full ourselves that being successful at work can be a solution to our fear for oblivion the only thing we really need is a person to love and care about us. And if you want to thank the universe for giving you life you should love yourself as much as you want someone else to.
xx Faidra Tzedakis